The Unique Tale of Alduin's Curse
by maximsk
Summary: Alduin has returned to Skyrim, but little does he expect to run up against an ancient princess wielding an ancient curse with the power to completely ruin his self-worth.
1. A Fateful Day

Four people all sitting in the rear of a wagon, with their hands tied. Prisoners. Three guys. Ralof the stormclock, Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak and some dude named Loki or something.

Ralof was a Stormcloack, so he had one of their awesome blue uniforms on. Ulfric was in fancy clothes and had a gag tied around his mouth. He looked on with sorrow in his deep blue eyes. He looked wise. Loki was wearing rags because he sucked.

One girl was also in the posterior of the wagon. She was even more fair-skinned and delicate than the most beautiful Nord, her skin was icy pale. Her striking black and red locks of hair went down to her waist, and she wore a black lace corset with a black studded leather skirt, and a duster trenchcoat made of black leather, with red trimmed sleeves, and she wore black high heels with red daedric letters on them. She was sitting fast asleep in the wagon. She was the Dragonborn, but no one distinguished that yet so she was just a beautiful girl as far as they knew.

Her eyes opened. She had one purple eye and one green-blue eye, to embody the conflicting desires in her ambiance.

"Hey, you," said Ralof. "You're finally—"

"SHUT UP STUPID STORMCLOAK!" the girl screamed, flailing her head and shoulders around violently, then kicked Ralof in the face so he fell out of the wagon.

"Wow," said Ulfric Stormcloak, "you really are a strong assertive—"

"Shh, you're still gagged." The girl pressed her finger on Ulfric's face.

Ulfric remembered that he had a gag around his mouth, and nodded without saying anything.

"Damn you Stormcloaks," said Loki as he stalked Ralof running after the wagon. "Skyrim was fine until you came along. I could've stolen that horse and been halfway to Hammerfell."

The girl looked off into the remoteness mournfully. She had a mournful sad look on her face. Her eyes mourned her positure.

Ralof was in the wagon again.

"Face your death with some courage, thief," he proclaimed in a ceremonial pitch.

"Shor! Mara! Dibella! Kynareth! Akatoish! Please help me!" Loki sniveled.

"Are you seirous right now," the girl snapped. "Do you have no ignominy? You are a horse thief. Horses are affluent. You probably pilfer sweet rolls from babies too."

"Shut up back there," retorted the carriage driver.

The girl slooooowly turned to look at the back of the carriage driver's head. Her purple and green eyes looked like they were shooting invisible lasers with her mighty vengeful glare.

"What in OBLIVION did you just say? How DARE you talk down to me, you slimy little milk-drinking skeever-licking Imperial moron? I'll have you know I'm a princess and an only child, and I was separated from my twin when I was five years old, and I've been wrongfully impounded by your pathetic cart full of Stormclock clowns—"

Ralof raised a hand. "Hey, we're not—"

"Shut your MOUTH, nobody is talking to you. I've been wrongfully confiscated by your stupid wagon cart, and I'm supposed to be someplace completely different right now, except YOU think it's a good idea to tell an ANCIENT PRINCESS to shut up. Maybe if you took two minutes to grow a brain like a normal person, you'd notice that I DON'T EVEN BELONG HERE, look at me, do I look like a Sormcloak to you, I'm wearing the finest silk leather dresses from my ancient heritage, I don't even know what the Strumcloucks are, anyone with half an inch of a brain could tell that, but nooooooo, you have to tell me to shut up, don't you. So I will. I'll shut up. I'll shut up and wait for you idiots to kill me for no reason. Thanks a lot."

The girl folded her arms and waited. But at this point they were already in Helgan so it didn't matter.

General Tullius was standing outside with some of those stupid elves in the uniforms. An Imperial scribe with a funny voice called out for them to step out of the cart one at a time. The scribe's name was Hadvar, but there wasn't really any way to know that. There was a lady in heavy armor established next to him, as well, and no one knew her name either.

"Don't do anything stupid," the girl said to Loki.

"You're not gonna kill me!" Loki started prancing off down the road, but the archers hit him and his body went flying into a window because of the physics.

Ralof and Jaurl Ulfric erected around with their hands tied. They looked pretty lackluster.

The scribe had a book open. Writing in it, he stopped and then spoke, "Wait. You there. Step forward."

The girl planted her hands on the seat and did a cartwheel out of the wagon even though her hands were tied, to demonstrate that she was not to be philandered with. She glared legendary Daedric daggers at the scribe.

The scribe inquired, "Who… Are you?"

The girl visaged back at him. "My name is High Princess Seralphaeyna, first of my name, and you are?"

Staring at her for a second, the scribe then looked at the officer lady in the heavy armor next to him. "Captain, what do we do? She's not on the list."

The officer lady glared at Seralphaeyna, with an evil twitching smirk on her face, snarling and grinning and showing her beastly fangs as she said, "_Forget_ the list. She goes to the _block_."

"By your orders, captain," alleged the scribe, with a heavy downtrodden look of sorrow as he regarded at the unintentional girl before him.

The two of them exchanged a look between them. They looked upon one another in them. The scribe spindle, "To the block, prisoner—I mean… Princess. Nice and easy."

Seralphaeyna hankered and glared at the evil torturer captain, before roving off to join the Stormcloak prisoners near the block.

A priestess of Mara was standing there with her arms up like she was holding up an invisible sword horizontal for the gods to pick up. She aforesaid, "As we commend your souls to Aetherius, blessings of the Eight Divines upon you—"

"EXCUSE ME," Seralphaeyna said, "there are NINE Divines, not eight, don't they teach you to count in your temples?"

There was a weird noise in the air, like the wind but sort of scarier. No one knew what it was, so they just kept going.

One of the Stormclouck soliders jumped forward and threw himself down on the execution block, pounding his fists on the ground all excited. "BEHEAD ME!" he screamed.

"OK," the captain said, and then pushed the headsman at the soldier.

The soldier yelled, "COME ON COME ON CHOP MY HEAD OFF I HAVEN'T GOT ALL MORNING YOU GOTTA CHOP MY"

And then the headsman chopped his head off.

"THANK YOU!" the soldier said, and then he died.

The captain turned her gaze up from the body to look straight at Seralphaeyna. She kicked the body out of the way without even beholding. Her mouth slowly twisted into a sadistic grin as she imagined what horrible matters she could do to this girl. "Next," she hissed, "the precious princess."

"I'm an _ancient_ princess, thank you very much," Seralphaeyna reimbursed, but she still walked up to the block.

The noise happened again. It was louder this time. Seralphaeyna ignored it because she was raging silently against the captain and everyone else who'd persecuted her today. She strained her hands helplessly against her bonds, but it was no use. She knelt down in front of the block, and wondered how she'd gotten here.

_(flashback begin)_

_Seralphaeyna was sitting at the kitchen table across from her father. They were looking at each other silently._

"_This is boring," her father said._

"_Yep," Seralphaeyna said._

_(flashback end)_

Seralphaeyna knelt in front of the stone chopping block. The captain's bedraggled, extraneous boot pressed on her back and forced her down onto her front. She looked up at the headsman askance.

"Don't mess up my hair, please," she requested.

The headsman shrugged and started to raise his axe, but then, a dragon appeared! A huge black dragon, out of nowhere! It landed on top of the tower behind the headsman and everyone fell over so Seralphaeyna didn't get her head chopped off today.

There was a thunder blast and the sky turned red and fireballs started precipitating down. It was pretty crazy. But Seralphaeyna picked herself up, and her hands were free, because of her hidden ancient magic that helped her in times of danger. She smirked and looked up at the big black dragon. She knew just how to deal with big bad deviances like this one.

The dragon started to flap its big black wings and go up into the air. But it was too late, because Seralphaeyna had prepared her curse. It was… The human curse. She insinuated the secret magic words to herself, raised her hands, and there was a big flash of magic power.

The dragon vanished for a second, and then a human lady in a black dress appeared where it'd been, up in the sky.

"AAAUUUUGHHHH!" the lady screeched as she dropped down from fifty feet in the air, but she was okay when she landed. She just went "oof" and vexed to get back up.

The lady was a big Nord lady. As in she was really big. As in she had some serious curves going on. She had a whole dress thing on her body and Seralphaeyna could tell she had some junk in that trunk. She had pale skin like Seralphaeyna did, and black hair, in big glossy waves with a lot of volume, and designer cherry scarlet red lipstick, but she was also still big. She got up, and looked at herself, and screeched again. "AAAUUUUGHHH—"

By this point everybody was laughing. Ulfric Stormclauck wasn't wearing his gag anymore and he was laughing. General Tullius was laughing too, he was the Imperial Legion leader, he was old and not really pretty but at least he sounded like a real officer. Even the despicable atrocious evil captain was laughing a little. The solider on the ground wasn't laughing because he was dead, but he was probably laughing up in Sovenguard. A dragon had attacked, and now it had gotten transformed into a human girl with big chunky curves.

"NO! YOU CAN'T LAUGH AT ME!" the girl screamed. "I'M ALDUIN! I'M THE WORLD-EATER!"

"Well, you've sure been eating _something_, with that body," the evil captain entitled back.

In reply, Alduin the girl went over and ate the captain. No one even cared because the captain was a total sadist freak anyway.

"I think you just need to calm down," spoke Seralphaeyna.

Alduin the girl looked at her with evil red human eyes. "You. You did this to me! Turn me back right now!"

Seralphaeyna raised her hands elegiacally and bespoke, "No, I'm serious, I'll calm you down! Here, I'll sing you a song!"

Because of her magical ancient princess powers, and also because she was beautiful and a good singer and she was good at this, Seralphaeyna had the magical wherewithal to calm people with her singing. She took a deep breath and began a ravishing melody.

_This time, this place  
Misused, mistakes  
Too long, too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's—_

The Imperial soldiers surrounded Seralphaeyna and drew their swords. One of them said, "You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people. What say you in your defense?"

Seralphaeyna stopped and looked at them enquiringly. "Wait, what crime did I commit?"

"Copyright infringement," the soldier replied.

"THAT WAS THE WORST SONG EVER!" Alduin shrieked, and pointed a finger right at Seralphaeyna. "I'LL HAVE REVENGE ON YOU!"

And then she ran out of Helgan, right through the gates. Everyone watched her go. She was really bouncy.

When they looked back, Seralphaeyna was gone too. Also now Ulfric and Ralof were in their underwear.

Ralof and Hadvar looked at each other. Hadvar said, "So, are you doing anything later?"

Tullius corrugated his arms and scowled. "All right. I'll let you go, this time. But don't be a rebel anymore, or the Empire will encroach you again."

Ulfric shrugged and smiled alkwardly. "Just another day in the life of a true Nord!"

But little did any of them know that the danger had just begun. Dun dun duuuun!

**So that's my first chapter! Feedback is always appreciated!**

**Special thanks to Reenava for the idea of what to turn Alduin into.**


	2. Another Fateful Day

So after Seralphaeyna escaped from Helgan, she went along the conduit to Riverwood, because she had to disperse the news that Alduin was back and girlier than ever, ziiiing, anyway she went to Riverwood and the first thing she did was go to the trader because if she carried any more stuff she wouldn't be able to run.

Seralphaeyna kicked open the Riverwood Trader door, the sunlight scintillating in and framing her silhouette like negative space art or something, it was symbolic and stuff. She walked in, and fixed her alluring blue eyes on the trader guy, and said, "What have you got for sale?"

The trader guy started to say some stuff, but then Seralphaeyna dumped 61 wolf pelts on the countertop. It got her 732 gold because she had really good speechcraft with the opposite sex. She used the gold to buy an elven sword of scorching, with a custom pommel grip and a sheath, because she lost her weapons when she got occupied by those Imperial jerkfaces earlier. She also bought a new black satin lace armor corset top, with tight black leather satin lace armor gloves that went up past her elbows without cutting off circulation, and a pair of high-heeled black leather armor boots, she was suited up for battle, she was ready now.

"The Golden Claw was stolen by thieves," bespoke the trader guy.

"I will go get the Golden Claw," respoke Serlphaeyna.

So she went up the mountain outside to Bleack Falls Barrow, and fought her way past the bandits and into the dungeon, there were spiders and draugr, they died. Then she got to the word wall at the end, and she attained the magic word but it didn't matter because her secret ancient magic was so much more awesome. Then she went to Whiterun, and went into the city to Dragonreach.

"I have the Dragonstone," said Seralphaeyna.

"Good," said Jarl Balgruff. He was the Jarl of Whiterun. He was really sympathetic because he had a permanent spine injury and he had to sit weird on his chair all the time now.

Farengar SecretFire came running up, and said, "The dragon is attacking!"

"Don't worry, bro, I got this," said Seralphaeyna, punching Farengar lightly on the shoulder and grinning. She gave him the Dragonstone and then traversed out the doors to fight the dragon.

She went out with Farengar, and Irileth who was a Dunmer and kind of a jerk but Seralphaeyna liked her anyway, and a bunch of Whiterun guards so they could give the dragon something to eat. It was aerial in circles around the Western Watchtower, which was really far away and Seralphaeyna had to run for like 45 seconds straight, it was crazy.

The tower was on fire, and people were dead and stuff, but the dragon was still flying around, and Irileth took out her sword and said "I will slay the dragon!"

But then Seralphaeyna held up her hand and stated, "Wait! I have a plan."

The dragon circled around again and congested in the air in front of Seralphaeyna. It wanted to set her on fire with its dragon magic, but then she called out to it.

She called out, "Hey! Dragon! You'd better stop setting stuff on fire, or else I'll use my magic on you!"

"Hah, puny human," said the dragon, as he landed on the ground and made everything discompose. What he didn't know was that while he was talking to Seralphaeyna, he wasn't setting stuff on fire, so her plan was already working. "You are no match for the might of the dovah! You are the weak one!"

"Weeeeell, yeah, but I bet you can't do THIS!" And then Seralphaeyna meditated on the power of the ancient Mythical Ruby Omega technique that she had learned at the young age of six during her princess training, and her eyes shone with pure red energy, and the dragon slumped over and died!

The dragon turned into a dragon skeleton, and Seralphaeyna unlocked the power of the Voice, which was awesome, she tried out her new shout, it made some dirt kick up and everything. She unlocked the power because she absorbed the dragon's soul, because she was Dragonborn. Now everyone knew she was Dragonborn!

The guards all cheered. Farengar was soooo all over those dragon bones. Everyone was happy! Except for Irileth, because she was grumpy, but everyone else was happy.

After he was done stuffing his inventory with dragon bones, Farenger came up to Seralphaeyna and asked, "How did you know to use that magic on the dragon?"

"It's simple," Seralphaeyna smirked. "I can't tell you about the details because my background is a secret mystery and I have to keep it that way to sound interesting. But basically, when you're fighting a dragon, all you have to do is—"

Suddenly, a big black fist smashed into Seralphaeyna's face. She instantly fell down on the ground, revealing… Alduin!

"HAHAHA! _PLOT TWIST!_" Alduin screamed and shook her fists over her head. She was wearing black spiky armor that looked like her dragon scales back when she was a dragon. But it was pretty obvious even with the armor on that she still had those curves going on.

Seralphaeyna was on her back now. She closed her eyes and focused her power. She knew that this fight would be the one to decide everyone's fate once and for all. She knew that everyone was counting on her. And she knew she had the power to be the hero Skyrim needed her to be.

Also she was an ancient princess and people seriously needed to start respecting that. What no one seemed to understand was that she was the most beautiful person in Skyrim. She had a perfect face with beautiful adorable face parts, with almost freakishly huge green eyes, she had pink blush makeup on, her hair was done up with wavy glossy curls. She was wearing all the stuff from Riverwood, and she also had a new custom silver dagger, it had a blade that was 7 to 7.5 inches long, it was made of ebony steel. It had the Daedric letters for 'MCR' on it because that was her favorite band forever. The handle was wrapped with exotic red sharkskin, and the pommel handle had a quartz sunstone for the magic. She also had a black linen cloak on now. She looked so tough in it.

Slowly, she got back up onto her feet, her eyes blazing with magical power. It was time for some good old-fashioned dragon-slaying.

Alduin walked up to Seralphaeyna and punched her so hard that she exploded.

Irileth screamed, "OH MY GODS YOU JUST KILLED THE D—"

Alduin turned around and screamed back, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! NO ONE CARES, I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER NOW." Alduin was so mad, she was aggressively jiggling at Irileth, it was scary.

Irileth shut up.

"Wait a minute. Darn it. This isn't right." Alduin looked down at herself. "This isn't right at all."

Farengar SecretFlame came up by her. "What's wrong, lady?"

"Oh, uh, I thought killing that princess girl would turn me back into a dragon, but apparently I'm just stuck this way."

"Wait, you're actually a dragon?" Farangar stopped for a second, and then grinned. "Is it all right if I take some samples of your body? Purely for research."

"Ew, get this guy out of here, he's a creep." Alduin shoved Farengar over on his back, and the guards came and arrested him for harassment, they dragged him all the way back to Whiterun. Irileth left too because she wasn't very imaginative and couldn't think of anything else to do.

Alduin stood out there in the open plains, in front of the big dragon's skeleton. Or what was left of it after Farngar messed with it.

"I promise," Alduin solemnly said, "I will avenge you, my brother."

She stopped.

"Actually I just avenged you like thirty seconds ago. Whatever. You just wait here and keep being dead like that. I'm gonna go end the world super quick."

And with that, Alduin went off to begin her evil work.

**So yeah, I hope you guys liked chapter two, I'm sorry I took so long to put this up, remember to review, I always appreciate everyone's feedback!  
**


	3. The World-Eater's Eatery

**Thank you all so much for the feedback! It really helps me with being able to make the story good for you guys. Without further ado, here is the third chapter of The Unique Tale of Alduin's Curse!**

After she made the stupid Dragonborn explode at the Western Watchtower, Alduin got one of the dragons to give her a ride to her deluxe bedroom in Skuldafn. She had a bedroom with authentic ancient Nordic antique ebony furniture, and black and red stone flooring and wall panels, and a vaulted ceiling with Nordic symbols on it, plus a little smiley face on the ceiling right over her bed because it was fun to wake up to that. The bed was a Nordic double bed with scarlet satin lace sheets, Alduin ran in and jumped into it and bounced on the mattress and flipped onto her back because she was the World-Eater and she had some slick moves.

Coming suddenly into the room, Odahviing said, "Alduin, what are you going to do next?"

Odahviing was a human too because of the ancient magic, also otherwise he wouldn't be able to fit in the room, so he had human form now but he could switch back and forth with his dragon form unlike Alduin. As a human, Odahviing was still a guy, he stood at a height of 6" 3', and had chiseled pactoral muscles, he had red and black spiky hair, and he had pale skin like the moon and he wore a tight black t-shirt with black jeans and boots, but not like the stupid hipster boots, he had cool black boots, he also had a spiked black collar on and also studded wristbands. His face had black war paint makeup for his eyes, with teardrop shapes to signify his inner turmoil.

Alduin was wearing her pajama outfit, which was a black satin leather corset with flowing don sleeves and a gown front, the fabric was transcendent like gauze, so her skin was sort of visible through it, she looked like such a queen. Smiling evilly at Odahviing, she laughed mirthfully.

"I have some very specific secret plans that I will start doing later. Right now I'm hungry, I haven't eaten anything in an entire hour, I can't end the world if I'm starving to death."

"What would you like to eat, mas—mistress?"

"I require sweet rolls. Bring me twenty dozen sweet rolls immediately, and I will see to it that you are spared my evil wrath." Alduin smirked sadistically as Odahviing scurried off to furnish to her whims.

Alduin ended up eating about five times more sweet rolls than that. They were the best sweet rolls ever. Then she went into a food coma for like a whole day.

Waking up afterwards, she went to the bathroom to wash off, and looked up at her face in the mirror. Looking into her own ultra-violet eyes, she smiled. She had beautiful, curvilinear features, like an evil mastermind was supposed to, her skin was so pale it was like sweet roll icing, argh, she had sweet rolls on the brain now. Anyway, she had long curls of glossy black hair, between 800 and 900 curls, and her lips had crimson lipstick, she had eyeliner, it wasn't crazy paint like Odahviing, it was tasteful and elegant eyeliner. She washed it all off in her Nordic water basin so that she could reapply it to look more evil and beautiful.

Odahviing came in again and said, "My lady Al—"

"OH MY GODS HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF KNOCKING." Alduin didn't even worship any gods, she was that mad. Shoving Odahviing out of her bathroom, she then slammed the door. But then, realizing she didn't need to do any more stuff in here, she came back outside. "What do you want?"

Odahviing was on his back. He had a nosebleed from when he got shoved because of Alduin's might. "I wanted to ask when we're going to start ending the world," he utteranced.

"Oh, uhhhhh, I'm gonna do it later." Alduin nodded.

"You want to eat more sweet rolls instead of ending the world, don't you?"

"Weeeeeell, nobody asked you!" Alruin rejoined, before grabbing Odahviing and throwing him out the window. Odahviing turned into a dragon again in the middle of the air so he didn't splat on the ground or anything, but then he just flew off.

Immediately, Alduin realized she had done the wrong thing by throwing away her right-hand dragon. She felt very guilty, which was totally a human emotion but she was technically human now so whatever. She stuck her head out the window and said, "Wait come back I didn't mean it!"

Odahviing was back in her room. "You hurt my feelings," he said, looking down at the ground, tears dripping hotly from his visage as he cried from the hurt and betrayal.

"No, it's OK, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," Alduin said. Walking up to Odahviing, she placed her left and right arms around his build, hugging him against her curvy form.

Blushing, Odahviing looked up at the beautiful curvy woman, blushing hotly as he smiled. "Th-thank you, Alduin," he whispered, tears welling up in his glistening red eyes as he blushed.

Looking back into Odahviing's eyes, Alduin hugged her one and only dragon close to her body. Smiling, she reached up to gently wipe the tears from his perfect, pale face. Leaning her head on his shoulder, she enjoyed the moment of intimacy between the two dovahkiins (dragon language for "dragons").

"I always wanted to do this with you, Odie~" Alduin purred.

Odahviing pushed away from the hug suddenly, turning away, tears forming in his crimson shining eyes. "I'm sorry. My heart belongs to another."

Reaching out for him with one hand, Alduin felt her stomach tie up in a knot even though it was still full of sweet rolls. It felt uncomfortable to her. "But who?"

"I cannot say," uttered Odahviing.

Coming up behind him, Alduin wrapped her arms around Odahviing's beautifully slender and lithe form, hugging his form as she smirked dominantly. "Then it doesn't count~"

Odahviing froze, his pearlescent ruby orbs widening in shock as he blushed in shock at Alduin's mischievous advance, standing still as Alduin clung to him like a large curvy barnacle or limpet with arms around him. "H-hey!" Odahviing protested in embarrassment.

"You know you want it," Alduin smirked as she leered over Odahviing's shoulder at him, pressing her curvaceous chunky body (seriously, dat bod) against him like a beautiful vise, licking her full lips cutely.

Thinking quickly, Odahviing shut his black-adorned eyes tight. "What if I go get you ten times as many sweet rolls as before?"

". . . . . You win this time, Odie."

Scurrying out of Alduin's bedroom, Odahviing flew off to find a bakery again.

Alduin got bored while she was waiting, so she went back to making evil plans for ending the world. She wanted to go around to the dragon burial mounds and bring all the dragons back from the dead, but now she was human and she couldn't do shouts, so she had to be creative. She got out her whiteboard and started drawing a diagram.

Mirmulnir came in and sat on her bed and watched her draw the diagram. Mirmulnir was a human too now. "What'cha drawing, hotstuff?" he asked, smirking at Alduin.

"I was cursed with the magic of the ancient princess Seralphaeyna the Dragonborn, which made me a unique character with new quantities, but now I'm going to use it in part of my plans," said Alduin.

"But aren't you worried that you're playing into the Dragonborn's plans by doing stuff as a human after she turned you into a human using her ancient mythical curse power?"

Looking up at at Mirmulnir, Alduin frowned. "Wait. Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"Oh, right, my bad." Mirmulnir poofed away.

Alduin shook her head and smiled. Kids these days. So silly.

She went over to her wardrobe and opened up her full-height mirror, looking at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a flowing jet black lustrous silk dress with a deep V-neck that showed off her dragonly assets, with deep crimson trim, and high heels with stiletto heels.

Just then, Odahviing came back into the room, interrupting the deliciously long description of Alduin's appearance. "I have the sweet rolls."

"Excellent," Alduin smirked evilly, licking her lips as she prepared for the banquet. "Bring them to me proximately."

There were forty dozen sweet rolls. Alduin ate all of them so fast that she got an ice cream headache from the icing. She laid down on her bed and groaned and smushed her pillow on top of her face. She was so full, she thought she was going to explode and give birth to a litter of sweet roll pups.

Odahviing quietly snuck out of the room while Alduin was stuck in bed doing that. Little did the World-Eater know that this was Odahviing's plan all along. He flew away in his dragon form to go do his own plans.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the magical plane of Aetherium, an ancient princess laid the details for plans of her own…

**And that's chapter three! Stay tuned for chapter four, where some other stuff will happen! ****Remember to review so I can feel validated by your feedback.**


	4. Dreams in the Moonlight

Ulfric Stormclock woke up in bed covered in sweat. He groaned and laid his arms over his eyes. He hadn't had a good night of sleep ever since Helgen. He was back here in his luxury suite in the Palace of the King, and he should have been slumbering because it was nighttime, but instead he was laying wide awake.

It was because of that picturesque girl in the black satin lace leather armor dress. Seralphaeyna, was her name. Ulfric hated to admit it, but deep inside, he already knew the veracity: He was in love.

Rolling onto his side, he gathered the covers around himself and tried to get back to sleep.

"_My my," Seralphaeyna whispered sveltely into his ear. "What handsome architecture you have."_

_Ulferic smirked as he held Seralphaeyna's core in his arms. "It's all for you, my love," he panted huskily as he flexed his chiseled muscular carapace._

"_You have such a sturdy Nordic burial column," Seralphaeyna murmured, gleefully rubbing her hands on Ulfric's perfect face._

"_I believe the proper term is 'standing stone'," Ulfric purred, licking his lips charmingly. "In fact, I think this is the _Steed_ Stone."_

_Seralphaeyna reached away from Ulfric's tender body, and laid her hand on the engraving of the steed symbol. "So, this will increase my carrying capacity by 100?"_

"_Yes. It'll also make your armor weightless, so you can take way more loot from dungeons and stuff." Ulfric nodded slowly, a smirk gracing his lips as he immersed into Seralphaeyna's icy gray eyes._

"_Oh, Ulfric," Seralphaeyna breathed passionately. "You always know just what to say."_

Just then, the door burst open! Ulfric woke up and spun out of bed. It was his assistant, Galmar Stone-Fist.

"How dare you disturb me while I'm resting!" Ulfric spat from where he was laying on the floor tangled in the covers. "What is the meaning of your shenanigans?"

"I'm very sorry, my Jarl," Galmar growled, except not angrily, he just had a voice box made of sandpaper and pebbles. It was because he smoked too much nirmroot leaf when he was younger. "It's just that we found the girl you were looking for."

"_WHAT!?_" Ulfric hurdled up onto his feet so fast that he put his outfit on at the same time. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a bit of his reflection in the bedroom doorknob. He was wearing a sleek black robe with thick luscious dark gray fur trim, with whitish leather plate armor beneath, with leather bracer gauntlets with Nordic engravings on them, and matching boots and armor to go with them. The armor on his chest had leather straps in an X shape going off a metal ring in the center, which accented his pectoral or deltoid muscles (A/N: oh my god muscles are so hard to write!), with a leather belt with a metal buckle around his waist. His hair was slicked back all awesomely, and he had a manly well-trimmed beard to incentivate his honorable personality.

"Yes. She is here now," throatscratched Ulfric's butler.

"Oh, no! By the Nine! Shoot! Now I have to change into my nice outfit!" Ulfric used his Voice powers to slam the door shut, then precipitously pulled all that armor stuff to put on something way more awesome.

Fifteen minutes later, he pulled open the door again. That guy was still standing there in the hallway.

"My Jarl, what can I—"

"Nonono, go get her," Ulfric cut off his impolite rambling. "Go get Seralphaeyna. Bring her up here immediately. That's an order."

"OK," he said, then ran off. He came back a minute later, and following him was the most beautiful girl Ulfric had ever laid his orbs on. She was five feet and six inches tall, with very healthy bone structure and muscle tone. Her skin was as pale as the moon on a cloudless night, and her face was perfectly delicate and angelic, with black eyeliner around her enthralling green irises. She was wearing a black red satin mesh dress with slashes in the sides of the waist revealing a blood red tube corset beneath. Her dress sleeves had long red line wedges, and they were really loose so the sleeves trailed behind her arms as she walked, her hips swaying gently with her feminine beauty. And she had black leather gloves on that disappeared into her sleeves, and matching shoes with pointed toes and heels that clicked on the stone tablats of the hallway. She was wearing the most beautiful outfit anyone had ever seen in the whole world.

And Ulfric, because of his quick thinking and outfit changing, was wearing the _exact same thing_.

The girl beamed at him, her white teeth sparkling like one of those things for healthy teeth. "I see you know me well, Jarl Ulfric."

"Oh, please, Seralphaeyna, call me Ulfie," Ulfric smiled and bowed lowly before the living walking nuclear bomb of unstoppable beauty that was Seralphaeyna.

Seralphaeyna giggled and put a finger to her lip cutely. Her lips had black lipstick on to bring out her moribund pallor. "As you wish, Jarl Ulfie!"

"It's so good to see you again, my love," Ulfric smiled with true happiness at the sight of his one and only beloved. "Please, come inside."

"That's what I was gonna say," smirked Seralphaeyna as she stepped into Ulfric's deluxe suite accommodations. "It's pretty in here. You must be really rich! I like that."

"I've spent every night thinking about you," Ulfric said, the tone of pleading evident in his voice, as he knelt down on one knee in front of the beautiful unique girl. "Please, let me marry you. I want to be your husband. I'll be loyal and good and you can always count on me, please please please, let me marry you please?"

"Hunh," Seralphaeyna scoffed, turning her head aside coldly. "Not so fast. You have to earn my love. I have some things for you to do."

"Oh gods," the Jarl of Whiterun mewled, his lip trembling as tears coursed down his face, making the eyeliner run all over. "Where did I go wrong? What did I do? I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you, baby, please forgive me, don't walk away now!"

"Nope, too late, already made up my mind," Seralphaeyna smirked cruelly, as she turned her heel for the door. "If you wanted me, you shouldn't have been so nice."

"NOOOOOO!" Ulfric cried as Seralphaeyna walked back out.

The beautiful girl shut the door behind her, muffling Ulfric's noises of plight. As she walked back down the hallway, a smirk slowly appeared on her face.

She whispered to herself: "All according to plan."

**Sorry about taking so long with this chapter. I think for future reference you can just assume that when I'm putting up a chapter, I'm also wanting to apologize for it taking so long. Because it happens a lot. Anyway, stay tuned for more updates to The Unique Tale of Alduin's Curse! They'll probably happen eventually!**


	5. Odahviing's Secret

It was a dark and moonless night as Odahviing walked into the building's secret entrance. The moon shone on his chalk-white skin, giving his handsome body a ghostly necrotic pallor. He smirked to himself as the lock clicked open. Tonight was going to be a good night. As long as no one caught him, anyway.

Just then, as he walked in, a hand grabbed his shoulder. It was a ninja!

"Now hold it right there-"

"_Dir Ko Raf!_" Odahviing growled, then slammed his flame-wreathed fist right into the ninja's face. His punch caved the ninja's mask in so hard that his brains exploded out the back of his head.

But when he did that, all of the other ninjas in the area started closing in on him. He could tell because of the red dots all of a sudden.

Five of the ninjas ran in front of him all at once. They were wearing matching gold and silver armor, with masks like the first guy. They had honed steel swords, humming with purple electrical magical energy from their inner powers. Odahviing definitely didn't want to get touched by one of _those_ bad boys.

The ninja in the center of the group of five shouted, "FIRE ARCANEX RUBY TECHNIQUE, GO!"

The other four ninjas closed in on the center guy all at once. The inner two got down on one knee in the front, and the outer two stood in the back, and the guy in the middle stood in the center of them all. Then they put their arms up in symmetrical positions, and they looked like a nice floral arrangement.

Odahviing stared at them. They were just in the pose, looking straight ahead.

The center guy was standing there with his arms up like he was making a Y shape. He didn't do anything.

Odahviing scratched his head.

Some of the other red dots were still moving. He figured maybe he should do something about this.

Odahviing walked over and hit all the ninjas with fire breath while they were doing their arcanex thingy. Then he walked back into the building.

He was in a hallway. It was totally empty, until he started walking forward. Then all the ninjas started pouring out of the side doors! It was the biggest battle ever. But Odahviing was ready for it. He knew the drill with these battles.

"Haha! You think you can beat me? You are factually incorrect!" The red-black-haired human laughed. "I'm not even going to search your bodies for loot! You're all that weak compared to me!"

The first ninja came running up to him. He responded by focusing his magicka into a soulful blast that caused the ninja to separate into several hundred fun-size pieces. Then he walked through the strawberry crimson mess and used the ninja's blood with his telekinetic powers to make a giant scythe to fight the others with.

Then the rest of the ninjas charged.

Odahviing was like a human tornado with his magical blood scythe. He whirled it around in a loop, cutting off twenty ninjas' heads all at once, then swung it back and hit another in the shoulder. But that wasn't a fatal wound, so Odahviing sauntered up and bit the ninja with his dragon vampire teeth, and that finished the job. He was such an efficient killer. The ninjas were dropping like the bass before his unstoppable onslaught.

Soon, there was only one ninja left. He pulled out an ebony steel warhammer, and charged Odahviing head-on, but Odahviing kicked him aside effortlessly.

"Heh," Odahviing smirked. "You're no match for me, fool. I can kill you in one stroke."

"No…" The ninja, whose name was Talvaryius Black-Night, gasped for breath as he struggled to his knees. "This can't be my defeat… Not like this… But he's too strong for me! I can't overpower him, and yet I must not dishonor my fallen friends…! I must fight for them! My opponent may be more powerful than me, but as long as I still draw breath, I cannot give up!"

Talvaryius struggled to his feet and pointed his warhammer at Odahviing. He snarled, "Today, I will avenge my friends by defeating you!"

Odahviing swung the scythe again and chopped the guy in half. Then he used his fire breath on the two halves just to make sure.

"See, I frikkin' told you," he spat.

But just then, he heard a familiar voice behind him!

"What is the meaning of this?!"

Odahviing turned around. It was Jarl Balgruff the Greater.

The ninjas were Whiterun guards. Odahviing was in the Jarl's quarters of Dragonsreach.

"I'm sorry," Odahviing pouted. "I didn't mean to make such a mess."

Balgruff sauntered up and put his hands on his hips. "You've been a very, very bad boy, Odahviing."

Odahviing had told Alduin that his heart belonged to another. But he hadn't dared to say whom it belonged to. He would've been too ashamed to admit that the one he loved wasn't a dragon at all.

The two of them gazed into each other's eyes. Balgruuf was wearing a casual, low-cut black robe with deep royal purple garnish, with a white silk shirt on underneath, and purple fingerless gloves, and black matte leather shoes. His beard was trimmed to a stylish, effete, and awe-strikingly attractive goatee, and he was wearing a gold diamond circlet with purple ribbons hanging from the sides to go with the purple trim. His skin was a beautiful pale complexion that showed off the deepness of his purple eyes. Odahviing gazed deep into them. As he did, he discerned that because of how the light worked in this room, he could actually see his own reflection in Balgruff's pupils.

Odahviing's own appearance was stylish as well. He was wearing form-fitting black pants and a short-sleeve shirt, but on top of it he had a deep cobalt jacket with red trim, that matched his one cobalt eye and his one red eye. He had a gold emerald necklace on, and two matching silver sapphire rings, sumptuously carved with custom scribblings and so on. He also had flip-flops on, which were categorically comfy for ambulating around in Dragonreach. But he couldn't look at his reflection for any longer than that because he was still in trouble. After all, he'd committed crimes in front of witnesses, and now he had to be punished.

Ballgruff purred, "What say you in your defense?"

Odahviing blushed incandescently at the Jarl's words. "I submit. Take me to jail."

"Let's see how you like it out on the Great Porch," Balgruuf smirked. "We got it ready just for you."

It was still nighttime outside, and the moonlight shone softly on the great porch. Balgruff led Odahviing over to the middle of the porch, then had one of his ninja guards pull the chain to trap Odahviing in the big restraining device they had. The one with the wooden bar and the chains and stuff. Odahviing was trapped right away. Also Odahviing was a dragon again for this part, so that he'd fit right in the trap and stuff.

"Now get the Oblivion out of here," Balgruff said. The ninja guard scurried off of his balcony platform and jumped off the back end of the porch, so that he could air-swim back down to the ground below.

Jarl Balgruff was crippled because of his lifelong condition that made him slouch so bad in his chair, so he had a sleek black ebony cane that he used for walking around. He walked up to Odahviing and rested the end of the cane against the dragon's cheek. "It's been too long, my favorite captive," he smeered (A/N: combination of smirked and sneered).

Odahviing started to say something, but just then, the doors burst open, and a new figure walked in. It was… Farengar SecretFire!

Farngar was wearing his usual outfit with the robes and stuff, but he also had thin soft black leather gloves on, and a golden lady-face mask with nice curvaceous lips. He had a bunch of scary dentist-type tools on a belt around his waist, with a big golden buckle with a smiley face on it. It was the outfit he wore for serious stuff like dragons.

Wearing that outfit, he slithered on into the porch with his hands coming up in front. "Now it's time to EXPERIMENT! Ahuehehuehueeee"

"Oh my gods Balgruff help me I am feeling really uncomfortable," said Odahviing.

The Jarl pointed his finger at Farangar incorrigibly. "Now just one minute, Farengar. You're my court wizard, but you're still under my authority, and I—"

"Aaaaand-" Farengor danced in a circle around Balgruff and swatted his cane away, making him fall to the ground, groaning in strife. "DENIED! Today is the day to experimeeeent on my favorite dragoooon~"

"I hate my life so much right now," Odahviing sobbed.

"Well, then good thing I'm here," said a voice from behind him!

Farengar looked past Odahviing down the porch. There was a woman standing there in the moonlight. She was a tall, powerful woman, with milky pale skin and piercing blue eyes. Her lustrous black hair was tied in two flowing pigtails that went down to her ankles and swished elegantly as she moved. She was wearing a form-fitting indigo corset dress with deep red plumes of armored mesh lace. There was a huge awesome sword on her back. It was like someone took one of those long dining tables in the main hall and put a handle on the end. It was just that huge and awesome.

"I'm here to save you, Odahviing," the woman said.

"Oh Gods," Farengar whispered. "Seralphaeyna? Is that you?"

"No. I am Astrallumeina. Seralphaeyna's mother. I've come to avenge her death once and for all." Astrallumeina smirked and sank into a fighting stance. Then she ran forward, executing a deft combat technique as she wall-jumped off one pillar, then another, flipping through the air elegantly, but then one of her ankle-length pigtails snagged on the chandelier and wrapped under her chin, and instead of landing beside Odahviing, she snapped her neck and died instantly and then her body was just hanging there like that.

Farengar shrugged. "Well, now that that's over with," he said, his attention retroacting back to Odahviing. "I believe we had unfinished business?"

"You asked for it, Feranger," Odahviing growled in his big dragon-y voice. "You're gonna regret ever hurting my beau."

"Your who?"

"I meant Jarl Balgruff."

"Oh, right. Carry on."

"You're gonna—crud, where was I, uhh, you're gonna regret ever hurting him, and now it's time to unleash my greatest power of all."

"Really now?" Farengar folded his arms cynically. "You have a huge wooden bar stuck around your neck. What are you gonna do?"

Odahviing responded with a toothy grin. He was going to enjoy this.

**And that's the chapter! Stay tuned for next time, guys! Please review, I value all your feedback!**


	6. The Great Return

**You guys didn't think I'd forgotten about this story, did you? No, I wasn't done with this, not at all. I just needed to focus on finishing that other story stuff of mine first. So without further ado, here is the sixth chapter of The Unique Tale!**

Alduin sighed and stared wistfully at the sunset outside the glass picture window of her mansion in Skuldafn. The sweeping, pandemic view of the landscape filled the once-dragon once-male human girl's icy soul with a profound sensation of discontent. She knew what was out there, waiting for her to unlock it. All she had to do was take the next step.

She leaned back from the breathstaking view and assessed the interior of her chamber. It was a glamorous, baroque antechamber, with a deathly white marble floor, and blood red walls arching up to a black ceiling with dragonbone chandeliers, flickering with the ominous apricot glow of crescents of candlelight. (But like actual fire candlelight, not the spell candlelight, that's for stupid mages, haha.) The room was lavishly furnished with a _deep_ black suede couch and chairs by the windows. Alduin was in one of the chairs, but someone else was in the other.

"What are you planning to do, mistress?" inquired Odahviing.

"I think you know the answer to that, Odahviing," Alduin purred sweetly, but not actually sweetly. She leaned her head on her hand with her elbow on the armrest, her fingers splicing through her thick glossy black curls. Her skin was a beautiful anemic white, but her hair was the color of black hair. Today she was wearing a black lace "halter-top" with matching elbow-length blood-red gloves. She had a cute black skirt that went down to just above her knees, and knee-high socks that matched the gloves. She was wearing this outfit because all of her corsets and fancy big dresses were in the wash and it was casual Fredas anyway.

She might have had some high heels to go with the outfit, but she was indoors and she wasn't the kind of Troll-Blooded savage to wear shoes inside her house. Odahviing didn't have any shoes on either. He donned a red muscle shirt that showed off his toned platinums, and athletic shorts made of black and red mesh. He had one leg crossed, and he was leaning back and looking at Alduin awkwardly.

"I really wish people would stop talking to me that way," Odahviing complained plaintively.

Alduin narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Who's _people_, Odahviing?"

"Oh, no one!" Odahviing answered hastily, blushing luminescently at the sudden surprise of the question. "It's—it's just what I think the other dragons think of me."

Fortunately for Odahviing, that was enough to distract the jealous human from her line of inquiry. She sat up and clapped her hands together in excitement, causing Odahviing to make a startled squeeky noise like a baby seal. "That's it!" Alduin said. "Other dragons. That's exactly our problem. All of the other dragons are dead and buried right now. They've been interned all across Skyrim."

"So why don't you go to where they're buried and use your magic on them?" asked Odahviing.

"I still can't shout, because I'm human now," Alduin pouted sourly.

Odahviing nodded sadly. "So what will you do instead?"

At this, Alduin's mouth curled into a devious, delicious grin. She replied, "I have a plan."

Odahviing waited. A few seconds happened.

Alduin was munching on a snowberry jelly donut. She gave Odahviing a weird look. "Whah izhit?"

Odahviing looked at her. "What is your plan," he intoned.

"I'm going to resurrect every dragon at once."

"OK."

Alduin put another donut in her mouth, gnashing it seductively as she pontificated. "And when we're done, I'm going to have you all to myself, Odie~"

Odahviing blushed pinkly and swallowed in anxiousness, glancing anxiously around the ornate chamber as his cheeks radiated with agitation. "S-so tell me more about your resurrection plan!"

And so Alduin uttered the words which described her plan. Odahviing listened attendingly, and his lips split wide in a knowing grin. As the human girl spoke, Odahviing looked out the glass aperture at the world below, and noticed that he could see a faint reflection of his own face in the polished pane. His face was youthful yet masculine, adorned with a topping of swept-back black hair with silver highlights, and plagued with glimmering crimson visual orbs, bordered with a matte black lining of paint on the snow-white canvas of his perfect visage. As he smiled at the words of Alduin's plans, he saw his teeth were perfectly white and smooth, like icy mountain caps within his smooth youthful port.

"So I'll need you to fetch me the buckets, and I'll put on my spare Greybeard robe and hood," Alduin concluded, sprawled out on the couch as the powdered sugar from the twenty-nine donuts she had eaten melded perfectly in the camouflage of her flawlessly white pelt.

Alduin's Greybeard robe was a custom black silk garment, with scarlet lining on the inside of the sleeves and hood. But Odahviing had not seen it many times, and couldn't remember the rest of its appearance right then. He would simply need to view it once more—that is, when he had the chance.

For now, he nodded complicitly and rose to his full statute to carry out Alduin's wishes, putting on his sleek black leather shoes and heading out the front door, closing it after him, locking the door, walking away from the door, as he pictured the plan in his mind's ocular orb.

If all went well, this would be over in fifteen minutes. Perhaps with an extra ten for Alduin to fit her curves into a Greybeard-sized robe.

TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER

All across Skyrim, dragons arose once again, taking to the sky in a cavalcade of giant dark wings spread against the shining blue atlas above. They were too numerous to count, as they had all arisen in the exact same moment in time. And they all herded their way east, towards Skuldafn and their new human overlord.

All but one. Outside Whiterun, by the Western Watchtower, a youthful girl sat up wearily in the azure green grass. She groaned in discomposure, and rubbed her multicolored silver/gold eyes before taking in her surroundings.

She opened her mouth and uttered, "… Aghgh, what in Oblivion happened?"

A nearby Whiterun guard saw the girl and walked over. "Are you all right, ma'am?"

The girl laid back on the luxurious sward, staring up at the lapis sky above. She was wearing the torn remains of a black satin lace armor top, which left her slim waist exposed and bare, and a pair of similarly degraded black leather armor boots, but there was no more to her attire.

"I don't know," she mumbled despondently. "I feel like I just got trompled by a mammoth."

"By the Nine Devines!" the guard exclaimed. "Are you Princess Seralphaeyna?"

Seralphaeyna. That name sounded familiar…

_(flashback begin)_

_Suddenly, a big black fist slammed into the face of Seralphaeyna. She instantly fell to the ground, revealing ... Alduin!_

_"HAHAHA! Rebound!" Alduin shouted and shook his fists on the head. She was wearing a spiky black armor that resembled his dragon scales back when she was a dragon. But it was pretty obvious, even with the armor she still had these curves passes._

_Seralphaeyna was on his back now. She closed her eyes and concentrated power. She knew this fight would be the one to decide the fate of everyone once and for all. She knew that everyone was counting on her. And she knew she had the power to be the hero Skyrim needed to be._

_It also was a former princess and serious people need to start respecting that. What no one seemed to understand was that she was the most beautiful person Skyrim. She had a perfect face with beautiful pieces adorable face, almost grotesque huge green eyes, she had pink blush makeup, her hair was arranged with wavy curls shiny. She carried all the stuff Riverwood and it was also a new custom silver dagger, he had a blade that was of 7 to 7.5 inches long, it was made of ebony steel. He had Daedric letters 'MCR' on because it was always his favorite band. The handle was wrapped with exotic red shark, and handle pommel had a quartz sunstone for magic. She also had a black linen coat now. She seemed so difficult in it._

_Slowly she rose to her feet, her eyes blazing with the magical power. It was time for some good old murder dragon._

_(flashback end)_

The audition of roaring dragons was audible in the distance. Seralphaeyna pushed herself to her full height, standing tall and proud, a lone (and lonely) hero against what was to come. "Yes," she uttered.

"We thought you were dead," gasped the Whitrun guard.

"I was," Seralphaeyna whispered. "And now I've been brought back to life. I wonder who I should thank for that."

**And that's chapter six! More will follow. Feedback is as appreciated as always. Cheers!**


	7. The Underwhelming Return

"_I can't stand this __weather__,"_ Seralphaeyna thought to herself, nodding in agreement as she tracked through the snow and ice. _"I thought Skyrim was supposed to make me transform into a berly Nerd brawler who loves sitting in ice-water."_

The shadowy outline of the city was standing ahead in the snowy fog. Seralphaeyna locked her piercing gray-gold orbs on it, and smirked viscously beneath the obscuring veil of her black hooded mask. It was a duel-function garment, hiding her identity as the secret princess heir of her ancient magic, as well as being the Dragonborn, but also protecting her delicate whitely unique face from the cruel embrace of Skyrim's chill. The hood was part of a sleek black velvet linen cloak which hid her slender lithe form under a masquerade of curtains of fascinating fabric. It was so ironic that her body was hidden like that. But life was ironic, as she had come to learn.

For example, Alduin had brought every single dragon soul in Skyrim back to a living body, which undid her own ladyslaughter of Seralphaeyna. That was ironic, in the poetic sense, Seralphaeyna pontificated to herself in her mind's eye inside of her little old ancient head.

The dragons had soared overhead for the first few days of her voyage, but then they had stopped. Seralphaeyna didn't know where they were all going, but they had been flying east, so maybe there was something east that they yearned. She was determined to find out, however, and so to do this, she went to find an old friend in a high place.

This brought her to where she was now—ambling resolutely along the stone bridge to the gates of Windhelm. She had to go to the Palate of the Kings.

The gates were tall, and very narrow, which meant that they opened like regular doors but taller. Two guards were standing outside. One pointed at her judgmentally as she approached. "Halt! City's closed with the dragons about."

Seralphaeyna breathed a deep sigh of resentment under her breath, and rubbed her eyes with the smidgens of her black leather gloved hand. Beneath her cloak, she wore a form-fitting outfit of leather armor. Gone were the epochs of dresses and satin lace, for now her attire was meant for the war to come, and she had glossy black ebony plating over a slender leather body suit which kept out the cold and the heat with its ancient magic. But that was hidden under her cloak right now. She couldn't believe the nerve of this brainless sentinel. It was enough that there were dragons everywhere, now the city pickets had to be acting stupid about it? He was lucky that Seralphaeyna was here to see a friend, or else this conversation would have gone… very differently.

And so the masked princess walked up to the guard, and pointed a finger at him, her words uttering in deadly silent earnest. "Explain something to me, genius guard. What does it accomplish to seal the city gates when dragons are about?"

"It keeps out the dragons," said the mindless guard, leering at Seralphaeyna auspiciously. "You ask a lot of questions for a traveler, miss!"

"Oh, you don't even know the half of it, my friend," Seralphaeyna chuckled darkly. "I'm done having this conversation; protest if you like, but I'm going inside now."

And with that, she snapped her fingers, and reappeared on the other side of the gates. Windhelm was a hoary metropolis, but she steeled herself against the cold and walked through past the crowds and shops to the alluring stone prize standing tall against the ferocious gray sky.

But then, she got congested! Two big mean-looking Nords cornered her in the middle of the street just as she walked into the street, and leered over her with their looning unshaven smirks of confrontation. One of them said, "Looks like we got ourselves a Stormcloak spy, eh, Rolff?"

Serlphaeyna flustered and replied indignantly, "I'm not a spy! I'm here to see the Jarl, now let me by!"

The foolbrained Nord named Rolff drunkenly leaned in over Seralphaeyna, his breath tracing of cheaply subscribed Honking Brew mead. "Really, now? Hey, Angrenor, you believe that?"

The bald wrinkled beardface named Angrenor quavered his head. "Nope. We sure got a spoy here. We'd better get the guards."

"I think the guards would actually like me, I save their lives all the time 'cause I'm a hero, so…"

Rolff sneered malevolently at Seralphaeyna, cackling under his inebriated breath as he thought up the worst insult of all. "If you're not a spy, then why are you wearing that _mask_ on your face?"

That did it. Seralphaeyna didn't have to take this treatment from lowlifes. She was an ancient princess, she would have them know, and that meant that she didn't deserve to be treated like a Dunmer. "Excuse me," she said, holding a finger just beneath Rolff's face, "but you seem to have something on your shirt."

"Oh, yeah, like I'm falling for _that_ old trick," Rolff said. "That's just a trick to let you punch me in the face!"

Seralphaeyna used her finger-pointing hand to grab Rolff's collar and used her other hand to smash her leather-clad fist into his mouth. He tumbled away wetly onto the ground, spitting blood and teeth-bits all down his front as he moaned in righteous agony.

"No, I'm _pretty_ sure you have something on your shirt," Seralphaeyna said.

Angrenor shifted uneasily from one foot to the other, doing a miniature hopscotch on the stone road. "I don't want any trouble," he mumbled submissively, like the shiny-headed dummy-knob he always was.

"That's right," Seralphaeyna murmured as she walked serenadely away from the scene, on track for the far end of Windholm, where her prize awaited her. Fortunately, no one stopped her, so she didn't have to be out in the refrigerated climate any longer than needed. She just sprinted the whole way there and jumped over some fences and picked all the flowers in the graveyard and it was great.

Inside the Place of the King, the king or actually not the king the Jarl was sitting on his throne all slouched Jarl-style, except this time the Jarl was Stulfric himstelf! He slouched broodingly and lowly on the throne with his hand before his face, peering miserably over the banquet table set up before him. The floor and walls and things were blue in here, which represented the cold darkness of his troubled soul. And yet when the masked figure bullstrode its way into the hall, he could not help but feel that somehow, this had been meant to be…

The figure walked up before him, then lowered its hood and removed its mask. It was the delicate glaze ceramic face of Seralphaeyna herself! She shook her hair out majestically, her waist-length red and black hair brandishing gently in the wind as she said, "Jarl Ulfric, it's pretty great to see you again."

But then the Jarl stood up, and there was rage in his face! He pointed sanctimoniously at Seralphaeyna and spat, "That makes one of us! I never wanted to see you in here again! How could you just leave me the way you did! You're so cruel! I never ever want to see you again! Skyrim belongs to the Nords! Why can't you just do what I say?!"

Seralphaeyna gasped in horror, as the Jarl's words stabbed into her chest like the tines of a fork into the ends of those little pieces of macaroni, but a million times more painful! She sank to her knees, clutching her head and hart in horrified apocalypse, reeling from the sheer emotional triggering potential of that proclamation.

"I'm so sorry," she gasped some more, pitifully. "I tried to get to you, but then I got killed by Alduin and had to—"

"No excuses!" Ulfric jumped down to right in front of her and wagged a digit in her face reprobingly. "Don't make things up! You abandoned me in my time of need! And now you have to pay the price! Get out of my office, and leave your mask! You've done it now, rookie!"

"But—"

"No buts!" Ulfric stamped his foot on the ground in ferocious rage issues. "For example, don't let the door hit your _but_ on the way out! I said out, you little princess wannabe!"

"Noooooooo!" Seralphaeyna flung herself up into Jarl Ulfric's arms, holding him in the embrace of her leather arms, putting her face right up to his and smushing his face with her wrists like a romance expert as she began to speak her words. "I love you so much! I can't tell you how much I love you!" These were words of love. "I was always afraid to admit it to myself because I'm a princess and I need to be free from all inequity, but you were always the one for me! Please forgive me, you don't want to let go of this now, baby, we've only just begun! Please please pleeeease!"

Ulfric observed at Seralphaeyna's red/gray eyes from a mere few inches away, and sighed. "Have you ever heard the expression, 'go away'?"

Seralphaeyna sighed in despondency. She had failed. She pulled away from her one true love's warm glowing grasp and hung her head low. "All right. But if you want to find me, saying no doesn't actually fail the quest so you can talk to me anytime and just say you're ready now."

"Out," Ulfric alleged menacingly.

Seralphaeyna slunk out of the Palace of the Nights and put her mask and hood back on. She had to clear her head of all that drivel and driveway, so she could focus on replanning her task management. She watched her footfalls in the snow beneath her as she walked forward.

Then, a voice shouted ahead of her. "Halt! You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people! What say you in your defense?"

Seralphaeyna looked up. It was a guard, standing in front of her with a crimson steel blade pointed right at her heart.

"Aw, man," the ancient princess retorted with a plangent pout. "Not again!"

"Is that your defense?" The guard raised his sword.

"Wait, no. Nonono! What crime did I commit this time?"

"You violated the Jarl's personal space. You have to stay out of his hula hoop range or it's inappropriate."

"Oh. Well, in that case," Seralphaeyna used her ancient princess powers to pay off the bounty and magic-speed-shoot her way out of town.

Windfarm had not gone according to plan. But that was acceptable as a loss. Seralphaeyna knew what her next move would be. She would just have to win Ulfric's love back, no matter the cost.

Or so she thought at first. After a picturesque moment, as she was walking out, she just stopped, and thought about what had just happened. Then it all made sense, and she screamed one word to the sky in sheer blinding furious _rage_.

**We're approaching the big part of this story! I can't wait to show you guys the rest of what happens! I hope you liked chapter seven of The Unique Tale, and until next time, I bid you all a good and adventurous day.**


	8. The Ancient Princess

Seralphaeyna bit her lip and squinted into the icy wind before her. It felt like she had been traversing up this mountain for ages. Her legs were literally killing her. It made her want to go find a nice designer couch to relax on, with lots of suede blankets and netflix. But first, she had to go get revenge!

And so she was going up the Seven Thousand Steps. Those were the treads that populaces had to take to get to the top of the Throat of the World. And that was where Seralphaeyna had to go, to the highest peak in all of Tamriel.

Why? Because it's the only place in Skyrim where anyone would even want to have an epic final showdown, sheesh.

Actually, the Seven Thousand Steps only went up three-quarters of the mode to the top. Which meant that mathematically, it actually took Nine Thousand Three Hundred and Thirty Three and One Third Steps to get to the top. Seralphaeyna hadn't gotten so far in life without a dab of cleverness, after all. But the Steven Thousand Stairs only went up to a little castle called High Hothgar. So that was where she was going now.

It was a foggy, windy day, and the form of High Htogether was only an ambiguous silhouette ahead, when a creature dropped down from a ledge above Seralphaeyna's head. It was a frost troll! The ferocious white-furred beast let out a feral roar and swiped at Seralphaeyna with bloodthirsty claws, but the princess evaded the blow at the last second, spinning onto her back foot on the ice as she analyzed the predicament.

"Well, well, well," she crooned as she drew her ebony steel sword henceforth. It was a brand-new, custom design, with a perfectly polished blade and a perfectly chiseled edge, and a hilt guard with little hooks on the ends like a squished capital H, complete with black leather hilt wrapping and onyx crystal pommel. Its blade rang out dangerously as she brandished it in the cold. "Look what we have here, eh?"

Trolls were reposted for being very, very hard to kill. And they were able to heal quickly from any wound that didn't administer to finish the job. Worse still, their claws and teeth were all lethal munitions, which they did not hesitate to use. But Seralphaeyna wasn't afraid. She knew the strengths of the everyday ice troll, but she knew the odious ogre's weaknesses too. For example, all trolls were exceptionally vulnerable to fire. A pleasant bit of trivia, for some. For others, it was a life-saver.

While the troll was still squabbling in surprise at the sight of the sword, Seralphaeyna leapt into the air and kicked the beast square in the coffer with both of her feet. She landed flat on her back on the ice. The troll stumbled backward and, with a miserable cry of pure regret, slipped over the edge of the mountain.

Seralphaeyna got up, sheathed her sword, and carried on walking without brothering to look where the foul creature had plunged. She was firmly in the 'trivia' camp for using fire against trolls. Fire was okay, but she quite preferred using thousand-foot drops.

Besides, as _everyone_ knew, ancient princesses didn't concern themselves with common beasts. They had far more exemplary and pretencious things to do.

As she continued walking forward, she saw High Hothgar immerge into view. When she did, she stopped and took in her surroundings, her gold/blue eyes mirroring the hues of the sunlight and frozen mist. The peaked top of the mountain was still far away. According to what she knew, the path up there began on the far side of this ancient castle. But she didn't feel like going through the castle right now. She was the Dragonborn, so the Graybards were going to ask her if she had the discipline to use the Voice and blah blah blah, no one cares.

Fortunately, she wasn't just the Dragonborn, she was also an ancient princess. She hoped someday she could be the head of like five different groups at the same time, in order to be even more important than she was now. But for now, she was an ancient magical princess, and that gave her special powers granted upon few in this world.

For example, she didn't have to deal with stupid Greybears if she didn't feel like it. She could just skip a step. Or skip 2,333 1/3 steps.

With that, she jumped up into the air, and didn't land on the ground. She just used her secret ninja speed and agility to jump up to the top of the Throat of the World. When she landed, she was up there at the highest part of the whole mausoleum.

The view of Skyrim was stimply breathstaking. Seralphaeyna could totally see her house in Whitrun from here. But she wasn't focused on that kind of malarkey. She was focused on the silhouette waiting here for her. Not a dragon's silhouette, of course. A girl's silhouette, ensconced in a black dress fluttering in the chillacious wind. The girl was facing away from her, standing still.

Seralphaeyna drew her blade slowly as she ambled forth across the plateau of sleet. "I knew you'd be here," she growled.

"And I knew you'd come here," said the girl, before turning around to look at Seralphaeyna with leering gold/blue eyes.

_Not long ago, outside Helgen:_

_"Shor! Mara! Dibella! Kynareth! Akatoish! Please help me!" Loki sniveled._

_"Are you seirous right now," the girl snapped. "Do you have no ignominy? You are a horse thief. Horses are affluent. You probably pilfer sweet rolls from babies too."_

_"Shut up back there," retorted the carriage driver._

_The girl slooooowly turned to look at the back of the carriage driver's head. Her purple and green eyes looked like they were shooting invisible lasers with her mighty vengeful glare._

_"What in OBLIVION did you just say? How DARE you talk down to me, you slimy little milk-drinking skeever-licking Imperial moron? I'll have you know I'm a princess and an only child, and I was separated from my twin when I was five years old, and I've been wrongfully impounded by your pathetic cart full of Stormclock clowns—"_

Seralphaeyna raised her sword towards the evil girl standing opposite her. "It's nice to finally see you again, Leyadreyda."

The girl laughed cruelly, a lilting corruption of Seralphaeyna's own voice. She looked almost exactly like her twin, but for somewhat shorter hair and a dress which obscured any armaments or panoply beneath. "So, where's your boyfriend Ulfric?"

"Yes, that was a clever move on your part," Seralphaeyna uttered venomously. "Impersonating me to drive the Jarl of Whiterun away. What are you trying to do, support Alduin?"

Leyadreyda scoffed evilly. "Oh, what? I don't care about Alduin. This isn't about Aldruin. This is about our birthright. You're three minutes older than me, and that makes you the heir to our secret family fortune. Now you're all the way up here where I can kill you, so I thank you for that."

"You know I'm the Dragonborn, right? That gives me a huge edge over you right now." Seralphaeyna gazed at her twin skeptically, sword held aloft as she did.

In response, Leyadreyda shrugged and said, _"FUS RO DAH!"_

Thunderclap!

Seralphayena went flying head over heels, nearly right over the edge of the mountain peak. At the last moment, she backflipped in the air and landed on her knees and sword hand, jamming her sword's hilt protector hook into the ice, using it to detain her momentum. She looked up at her twin, flipping her hair back into place with a dramatic embellishment. "Well, that was a surprise," she muttered.

Leyadreyda reached beneath the shrouds of her dress curtains and brought out a sword of her own. It was a legendary Daedric sword, with red glowing backdrops and runic undertones all over the sensational black metal. She brought it into an attack stance and started rambling towards her sister on the alpine surface.

But this time, Seralphaeyna was ready, and she took off at a terrific charging sprint straight at the other. The two crossed swords in a clanging shower of light and sparks, going past each other and turning to keep their blades together. So began the fight of the ancient princesses.

Seralphaeyna lashed out with a stealthy kick to the back of her twin's knee, dropping her down to a kneel, pressing down atop her with the blade of her ebony weapon.

"We really don't have to be fighting right now," Seralphaeyna said. "Here, let me sing you a song—"

Leyadreyda interrupted her sentence with a ferocious elbow strike beneath the ribs. Seralphaeyna fell back, staggering and coughing, as the evil girl rose to her feet once again.

"Just shut up and die," Leyadreyda spat.

The ancient sisters' swords clashed again upon the mountaintop. Seralphaeyna refused to die. Not after she'd come so far, and not after she'd already gotten killed once so far. This was no time to push her luck. And so she braced herself for what would have to emanate, and met her twin in the mortuary flurry of strikes and parries that was the art of the duel.

Seralphaeyna fought her sister all the way to the far end of the plateau, hoping to force her off the edge, but then as she went in for the last overhead chop, Leyadreyda blocked it with her blade—and a stabbing pain went through Seralphaeyna's belly. She looked down to see that her twin had drawn a second sword with her free hand, and stabbed her with it.

"Ow," Seralphaeyna said, frowning in consternation.

Leyadreyda put her metal-armored foot on Seralphaeyna's chest, and pushed. Her sword came free, coated in glistening scarlet, as Seralphaeyna fell to the ground.

"This is the part where I ask you if you have any last words and then you kill me while I'm waiting," Leyadreyda said as she walked up to stand over her twin's body, as the oozing crimson pooled up in a growing puddle on the ice. She held one sword to Seralphaeyna's throat. "Or it's the part where I just kill you, like this!"

Seralphaeyna gulped. This was getting to be quite perturbing.

Instead of dying, she knocked the Deadric blade aside with her sleek leather bracer, then cast a healing spell and pounced back to her feet, grabbing her sword on the way. Leyadreyda attacked her with both swords at once, yet she was prepared this time, and she caught her twin's armored wrist with her hand, holding the first sword above them as she parried the second.

Leyadreyda twisted away from the catch as her face twisted in cold-hearted fury, redoubling for another strike. She was so pensive with arraigning up for her next attack, she barely even saw it coming as Seralphaeyna _lunged_ at her. Amazingly, she dodged at the last second, turning aside and leaning back as the ebony blade sliced through the air just an inch away from her face. But then Seralphaeyna held the blade there for an extra moment, and glancing at its polished surface, Leyadreyda realized she could see her own reflection.

In short, she looked quite a lot like her identical twin. Her face was delicate and ceramic coloration, charmingly lifeless with its perfect pallor. Her nose was slender and cute, her lips were pursed and painted with black lipstick, and her eyes were a beautiful gold-crimson-hazel that shone with sparkling inner energy. Her hair was short by ancient princess standards, only reaching down to her shoulders, parted neatly just off-center, a jet black head of hair with red and white highlights streaked throughout. Her dress was a layered garment made of many tiered layers of enchanted woolen cotton, silky smooth in texture to keep her warm, but beneath she wore a full set of fearsome Daedric armor, omitting the helmet of course, and customized to have less shoulder spikes so it would fit beneath the dress. The armor was also customized with a deep V-neck which revealed a scar on her chest, 3.25 inches long on one side, running in a diagonal line from her—

Seralphaeyna brought her sword around in a full 360-degree swing, and chopped her twin's head clean off. It landed on the ground half a second before the rest of her body did.

She was almost going to leave the body there, but then she remembered that if she left it here, someone might reanimate it and then she would have to do the whole fight over again. So after a moment of deliberation, whereabouts she wiped her blade clean and sheathed it once again, she walked up to Leyadreyda's head where it had rolled to the side of the plateau. Then, with a furious wind-up, she kicked it way off into the air so it assailed over the edge of the mountain to land somewhere far below.

"Scoooooore!" Seralphaeyna did her victory dance the whole way back down to High Hroger.

Outside the stone castle, in the snowy courtyard, a bearded man in gray layered-looking robes was standing waiting for her. "Come, Dragonborn," he called out. "Let us taste of your—"

"Nope!" Seralphaeyna ran off the side of the mountain and skidded the rest of the way back down. Then she hid under a bush for a while until she was sure the bearded quest-giving guy was gone. Then she went back to Wheatrun for a well-earned respite. She was way, way too busy for that kind of baloney.

**I think this is going to be the penultimate chapter of The Unique Tale. I'd been looking forward to writing this for a long time. But now here we are! There's still plenty of stuff to wrap up before I can call this done, but this is a big day for me and Seralphaeyna both. Reviews are appreciated as always. Divines bless all of you guys!**


	9. Showdown Time

After spending a day in Whilerun, Seralphaeyna was ready to do the next part of her quest. But then when she looked at her menu, she realized she had to go hind up to the top of the Throat of the World!

The way up was concluded the Seven Thousand Steps, which was crazy. She really didn't want to have to deal with the Graybears at High Hrother, so once she was done hanging out and crafting stuff at Warmaiden's and listening to Adrian Avenici pontificate about her father in Dragonscreech, she just used her fast-travel skill to go back to the top of the mountain.

Then she was on top of the mointain, and it was morning of the next day because fast travel takes a while. Seralphaeyna looked around curiously.

There was a big huge dragon sitting there on one of the rocks. He looked old and his wings were super ratty and ghetto. He gazed contemporarily at Seralphaeyna.

"Hello, Paarthurnax," Seralphaeyna uttered.

"Mmm. Dovahkiin. Allow me to introduce myself in a better form." The huge gnarly dragon flew into the air a little, then landed in front of Seralphaeyna. Then he took a deep breath in, said "_Tic Tac Toe_", and with a flash of magic, transformed right before the ancient princess' beautiful red-and-gold eyes!

Standing before her now was a human. A tall, slender elegant Nordic human, with smooth youthful pale-white features like the opalescent snow he stood on, staring upon Seralphaeyna with kinetic emerald eyes. His hair was dark silver gray, with brilliant white highlighted stripes, parted at the center and flowing down his shoulders in a majestic well-conditioned mane. He also had a silver goatee to exemplify his manly wisdom, and so he could stroke it when he was thinking. He was clad in a deep black armored robe that glimmered in the evening sunlight, over a deep green glass armor plate top and black boot-cut jeans, and svelte burnished black leather gloves and boots studded with ebony. He flexed his fingers in their gloves, grinning mischievously.

"I'll admit, I do love having thumbs," Paarthurnax smirked, speaking now in a silky smooth human voice.

"Wait, why do you look like a young human, you're supposed to be old," Seralphaeyna questioned.

"I'm like five thousand years old, my human form would just be skeleton dust if I stuck to that," the human-form dragon proclaimed wisely. "Twenty, fifty, eighty, who cares? I'm hot, deal with it."

"OK," Seralphaeyna said. "Can you help me defeat Alduin?"

"Yes. Alduin raised all the other dragons and they're going east, so she's definitely in Sulkdafn, the old Nordic castle in the mountains." Paarthurnax nodded in wisdom. "You'll need to go there if you want to beat her up, but it's super high up."

"I totally want to beat her up," Seralphaeyna noddled. "But I'm not that good at mountain climbing."

Paarthurnax paced slowly back and forth, his boots squeaking awesomely on the wet ice. "In that case, you will need to get a dragon to take you there. Perhaps the Jaurl of Whitrun will let you use Dragonsroach to imperson one. I can teach you how to call Odahviing, who is a headstrong dragon who will totally fall for the trap."

"Or you could fly me there yourself because you're also a dragon," Seralphaeyna suggested.

The human-form dragon groaned in aggregation and turned back into a dragon-form-dragon. "Uuuuuugh, fine, I'll do it," he grumblesnorted. "You'll totally regret it, though."

Seralphaeyna used her ancient princess magic to jump right onto the ancient dragon's back. "I doubt that," she boasted cockily.

"Yeah, you will, you were gonna get to do a truce talk in High Ruthgerd and Ulfric Stormsmock was gonna be there."

Seralphaeyna suddenly felt a huge complicated mess of feelings because she didn't want to be anywhere near the Grabyears because they were boring and dumb, but Ulpric Sormstock was so dreamy and

Actually that's way too complicated, screw that, Seralphaeyna was ready to go kill Alduin now.

As they were flying, Paarthurnax said, "If you have so much ancient princess magic, why didn't you just kill Alduin all the way back in Helgen instead of turning her into a human girl?"

"That was before she punched me and made me blow up," Seralphaeyna replied very wisely, like a dragon of many livings.

"Fine," said Paarthurnax.

They flew for a while, quietly. There were some things on the ground, but it was all really far away and blended into the distance fog. A few hours later, things were going nicely.

"Are we there yet?" asked Seralphaeyna.

"If you ask me that again, I am going to roll onto my back and crash-land on you," Paarthurnax resplied calmly.

"It's such a beautiful picturesque atlas outdoors today, is it not? It makes me want to sing a song." Seralphaeyna put a hand to her armored bosom and detained out the other arm. "Like this:"

_When I was a young boy  
My father took me into the city  
To see a marching band-_

Paarthurnax started to twist down into a nose-dive.

"Okay okay fine!" Seralphaeyna sulked silently. "I'm just trying to be nice," she muttered.

Paarthurnax flew normally. "Singing reminds me of fun things," he said. "Dragons aren't allowed to have fun because we think evil things are fun. That's why I subscribe to Way of the Voice XM."

"That's total baloney," Seralphaeyna proclaimed.

"Yeah probably," Paarthurnax said.

Seralphaeyna started to bespeak a replication to Paarthurnax's comment, but she was interrupted by a loud scream.

"HOLY NINE THEOLOGIANS WHAT WAS THAT," said Seralphaeyna.

A screaming guy in wizard robes fell through the sky in front of Paarthurnax.

"Okay then," said Paarthurnax.

Seralphaeyna blinked and shook her head to rid herself of her startle juices. "… Wait a minute, we went too far. We're in Morrowind. Turn around please."

Paarthurnax was blocky. "As you wish, outlander," he growled in his throat-voice, before turning on one wing and going back to Skuldafn.

The castle was in the elevations, and he found it straightforwardly using his signature dragon-eye long-range concept. There was a dragon penthouse on top of the castle, which he alighted on and let Seralphaeyna off onto.

"This looks like an empty roof," Seralphaeyna said. "Where are all the draugrs?"

"They probably fell off the mountain," said Paarthurnax.

"So where's Alduin?"

"Right here, my lovelies," said a svelte vixen voice from right behind them.

Seralphaeyna and Paarthurnax whirled around in shock. Paarthurnax's giant dragon tail impacted Seralphaeyna's face and knocked her onto her posterior dimensions, but she healed herself with her secret magic and got back up.

It was… Alduin! She was standing tall in a regal black and red dragon-armored dress that flowed freely with contours of fabric in multiple hanging layers, like a black and red bedsheet if you hold it in one hand and pretend it's a ghost puppet. Her hair was in voluminous black glossy wavy curls, parted back to reveal the chartreuse eyes on her round yet elegantly evil porcelain face. The deep red lipstick of her lips parted in a diabolical smirk. "So good of you to offer yourselves to me," she said.

Also Odahviing was there. He was standing behind Alduin, sporting his signature sleeveless black shirt and shorts with ancient Nord sneakers. His hair was chaotic and dark as always, with its natural red highlights, and his uniquely scarlet-and-crimson eyes were full of unspoken feeling. Also he had an ebony collar on now, adorned with sixteen assorted collectible enchants to boost his resistances.

"Wait, you were getting all the dragons all over Skyrim to derive here," said Seralphaeyna. "Shouldn't you be referring them to attack us before you do the final boss fight?"

Alduin shrugged evilly. "No, I ran out of sweet rolls and ate them."

"The dragons? You ate the dragons?"

"I decided I like being an extra-curvy human."

"Wow, screw this," Paarthurnax said, taking to the sky and zooming away before anyone could do anything.

Seralphaeyna was standing there by herself. She looked around. "Uh…"

"I'm gonna fight you now," Alduin said, as she walked up towards the ancient princess.

Seralphaeyna drew her jeweled custom-forged Daedric sword and held it at her side. She stood still, glowering, deep in contemplation. "Can I have a second to plan how to fight you?"

"Nnnno." Alduin took out her own weapon, which was a dragonbone greatsword, adorned with the Daedric letters for A7X because that was her favorite band.

Odahviing didn't know what those letters meant, but he did know when was a bad time for him to be out here, so he ran back into the building below.

Unfortunately, Serlphaeyna could read the Daderic alphabet, and her eyes widened. "You tasteless little p—"

Then Alduin swung her greatsword, and knocked Seralphaeyna's red-glowing blade right out of her grip. It flew off over the edge of the stone roof. Both of them stopped to watch it sail into the distance.

"Fly free, my cherished young one," whispered Seralphaeyna, as she brushed a single tear from her eye.

"I bet that was really expensive," said Alduin.

"Yeah. You're a real jerk, you know that?"

"That's not a nice thing to call someone. You totally hurt my feelings just now."

"That is not FAIR!" Seralphaeyna elbowed Alduin in the face, then grabbed onto the dragonbone greatsword by the handle, next to the rounder girl's own hands, so they could start doing a wrestling match.

A voice called out from the sidelines, "YEAH! GIRL FIGHT! WOO!"

Alduin and Seralphaeyna stopped being a combat pretzel and looked at who it was. It was Mirmulnir, in dragon form.

"One second," said Alduin, before going over and eating Mirmulnir.

Seralphaeyna got back up off the ground and looked at Alduin. "Wait, how did you just do that?"

"He was supposed to be dead anyway," Alduin shrugged in a nonplussed smirking demeanor. "I used my World-Eater powers. Omph." Alduin gulped pretentiously.

"You are such a jerk," Seralphaeyna shook her head disprovingly. "I'm gonna kill you now."

Alduin took a staggering step towards Seralphaeyna, then stopped. "Urgh. Whoopsie. I'm carrying too much to be able to run now. Just… Attain my sword and just off yourself with it, okay?"

Seralphaeyna picked up the greatsword. It was pretty heavy, but she carried it with her magical princess potency. "Yeah, no way, you're totally going down."

"Fine, I'll do your suicide for you," Alduin grumbled. "_Zun Haal Viik!_"

The ancient princess got hit with an ancient energy blast! The dragonbone blade she was plying suddenly exploded. She dropped the useless hilt-piece and threw an arcane fireball at Alduin, but the curvy girl quickly spurned it with a dual-cast ward.

"What in Oblivian?!" Seralphaeyna cried out iniquitously. "Since when can you do restoration spells?"

"I read a lot of skill books," Alduin spoke.

Seralphaeyna arched her delicate eyebrows. "… I didn't know you could read." Then she shrugged. Good for Alduin.

Alduin did a fire breath shout in a stunning repost to the fireball. Seralphaeyna leapt and rolled aside at the last second, reimbursing upright with a dramatic hair flip. "This isn't good," she muttered.

It looked like Alduin was going to do another shout after that, but instead, she cast a lightning bolt spell! Seralphaeyna got knocked onto her back. She was out of magicka now.

"You're overencumbered! I thought that'd make you like totally useless," Seralphaeyna pouted.

"No, it just means I can't sprint at you right now and kick your perfect face in," Alduin smirked. "I'll just have to do it from here with a Thu'um!"

Just then, another voice called out from the sidelines. "Hey, Alduin!"

It was Odahviing. He had an enchanted magical apron and oven mitts and chef's hat on. "I made some more sweet rolls!"

Alduin grinned greedily. "Excellent! Give them to me!" Then she started walking very slowly towards Odahviing as quickly as she could.

Seralphaeyna watched silently for a second. Odahviing must have been telling the truth, because he had a chef's hat on, but he didn't look like he had any sweet rolls with him. Basically it didn't matter because now Alduin was distracted.

So she took advantage of it, like this: "_FUS RO DAH!_"

Alduin got hit full-on by the energy sensation. She went flying into the air, straight off the verge of the platform, ragdolling exquisitely into the aloofness below. Seralphaeyna walked up to the edge just in time to see her landing on the Daedric sword that fell off before. It was such an awesome impalement that the sword got its own killcam sequence without anyone wielding it.

"I knew you had it in you," whispered Seralphaeyna, brushing a single tear from her eye.

Odahviing pulled off the chef clothing and paced up by the ancient princess. "Can you get this collar for me? It has a master lock on the back."

Seralphaeyna reached back behind Odahviing's neck with a lockpick and knife. Forty-eight broken lockpicks sprayed out into the air all at once, and then it was open.

"I didn't realize you were on my side," Seralphaeyna said, smiling in sympathetic virtue, like a boss.

"Alduin wanted me to belong to her," Odahviing replied wistfully. "But my heart belongs to another."

"Aww, that's really sweet!" Seralphaeyna gave Odahviing a sidehug. "Who is it?"

(time skip, scene change)

The next day, there was a huge victory party in Dragonreach. Everyone was there for it. Faranger SeekerFire was chatting nicely with Irelieth for once, the Whitrun guards were dancing it up on the dance floor while the DJ played some awesome not-copyright-infringing music, there was cheese for everyone, it was the best party evar, verily.

Seralphaeyna was lounging back on a designer couch from Folkreath and sharing a sweet roll with Paarthurnax, who was in his human form and looking super wise today.

The ancient princess asked, "So, how do you like it in Dragonscratch?"

"It's okay," said Paarthurnax. "The dragon skull over the throne is a little creepy for me."

He nodded up in the direction of the throne. Yarl Balgruff was sitting in it and nuzzling with human-form Odahviing who was in his lap. They were so happy together, it made Seralphaeyna smile.

She turned back to Paarthurnax. "I'll have to go resume my princess duties after this."

"What exactly _are_ those?"

Seralphaeyna shrugged. "Hopefully I won't get exploded again, haha."

Paarthurnax stroked his beard thoughtfully. "What are you the princess of, anyway?"

"Tamriel," Seralphaeyna said.

"So, like, the Empire, or…"

"No, Tamriel."

"Okay."

Seralphaeyna leaned back luxuriously and stretched out his arms. "Or we could go do something fun. You need to practice doing fun things, Paarthurnax."

"Sounds good," Paarthurnax said, giving Seralphaeyna a gentle embrace.

To his awestruck glee, Seralphaeyna gave him a kiss on the cheek! The princess let go with a devious grin. "We should go to Eastmorch. We can have a pool party in the springs."

Paarthurnax was still astral-eyed from the kiss, but he focused up. "Is… Is that safe?"

"Well, it's better than going to Cyrodiil. Have you seen the people's faces down there?"

"Point taken," Paarthurnax contemplated wisely. "Yeah. Let's have a vacation. We can go whirlwind-sprinting over some sweet jumps."

Seralphaeyna finished her half of the sweet roll. "I can't wait," she smirked. "It's gonna be awesome out there."

Just then, the front doors of the keep swung in. It was a dirty-looking Nord guy wearing some sucky rags. He said to Seralphaeyna, "What the heck, how come you didn't invite me—"

Seralphaeyna thrashed ragefully in her seat and put her hands over her face. "OH MY GODS SHUT UP LOKI"

**And that's the end! Thank you for reading! This story has been a super fun experience to write for everyone. You guys are the best. And while The Unique Tale is done now, who knows? Maybe our ancient princess will see more screen time in the future. Divines be with you!**


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